Sunday, January 14, 2007

My New Digs: Satan's Lazy Susan

Ladies and gentlement, let me present: Satan's Lazy Susan.

What you're seeing is the sanitized version. When I first opened this cupboard I almost vomited, and that ain't no lie. Besides being coated with a thick layer of mouse feces, all three shelves of Satan's Lazy Susan were also covered with rotten food and other unidentifiable substances. And there was an old bottle of vanilla extract in there somewhere.

My first instinct was to nail the cupboard shut and never think about it again, but I knew that was impossible. How could I actually WASH DISHES under such an abomination? So I put on the rubber gloves -- and gave some credit to whoever decided to BUILD this crazy thing -- and spent an hour spraying, digging, sweeping, and gagging.

Now I have a clean lazy susan which I'll never use. I admit it has a "Leave it to Beaver" appeal, but whenever I look at it I think of the words "Totally F*cking Disgusting."

Such is the joy of moving into an old apartment. You never know what you'll find.


VanillaJ said...

You cleaned a lazy susan you'll never use. Welcome to my brand of crazy!

Anonymous said...

now wonder susan is lazy. no one will use her. how would you feel if you were finally scrubbed clean and joyous and no one spun you around the cupboard? it is times like this that make me weep for the cabinetry that has lost their soul.

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Isn't that from Cyrano de Bergerac..."Do cabinets have souls?" Just think of it as retired. I can't think of anybody who wants to be spun around forever. After years of dizzy service, some are just content to stay motionless and be mocked.

Crazy? Goodness, I defy anybody to wash a dish just inches away from decades-old petrified food and mouse feces!

d3 said...

Well you could always use it to store non-food items. Like kitschy nick-nacks or something.

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Especially those knick-knacks I never want anybody to see! :)

Anonymous said...

a rotating gallery of knick-knacks!

how droll!