The Classic Doctor Who DVD Commentary Skin-Crawling Game

I'm no good at drinking games, so instead I present a "Skin-Crawling Game." See how far your skin can crawl away from your body next time you watch a classic Doctor Who DVD commentary track.

• 20 feet every time Matthew Waterhouse mimics a line that has just been said on-screen. An extra 10 feet if somebody else tries to talk over him because they're embarassed for him.
• 10 feet when Tom Baker flirts with his female co-stars. 5 extra feet if he says something blatantly sexual.
• 5 feet when Mary Tamm says "awww, bless."
• 5 feet if Anthony Ainley makes a cheesy and obvious joke, but acts like he's not joking.
  
• 15 feet every time Matthew Waterhouse describes the obvious emotions of a character ("Oh, look at him, he's CROSS.")
• 5 feet when a person simply interrupts Lousise Jamieson as though she weren't saying anything important. 5 bonus feet if that person is Terrance Dicks.
• 10 feet every time Terrance Dicks feels hard-done-by.
• 5 feet for every story told about William Hartnell's grouchiness. 5 additional feet if another actor follows up with a story about how nice he could be in certain situations, really.
  
• 10 feet for every tantalizing lead-in to a story about Tom Baker throwing a tantrum. 5 bonus feet if the person stops telling the story because it sounds like they're afraid Tom Baker will hurt them.
• 15 feet for Katy Manning suddenly talking in a funny voice.
• 5 feet each time one of the '60s personalities (eg. William Russell, Verity Lambert, Richard Martin) confesses that they have only a vague, confused memory of the show. 5 more feet if Carole Ann Ford jumps in to fill in the details for them. A final 5 feet if it's obvious that they still don't remember.
  
• 10 feet for each backhanded swipe at John Nathan-Turner.
• 5 feet whenever somebody says that the show would be different nowadays (longer credits, faster credits, CGI effects, better sets, more convincing monsters, no rehearsals, jump cuts). 10 feet additional feet when somebody says "oh, but I like it BETTER the old way!" A whopping 25 feet if somebody else says "oh, sure, but the new series is BRILLIANT, have you seen it?"
• 10 feet when Richard Martin portrays himself as a maverick.
• 15 feet when somebody says they used to watch the show "from behind the sofa." 5 bonus feet if everybody laughs.
• 10 feet every time you wonder why Nicola Bryant doesn't just state outright that her acting was horrible and her fake accent sucked.
• 5 feet each time a guest star admits that they had no idea what the script meant, they only did it to make their children happy.
• 5 feet every time Philip Hinchcliffe says "I think we went too far on this one." Subtract 5 feet every time he's correct. Aww, bless him.
• 10 feet each time it becomes obvious that Nicholas Courtney's life has dwindled down to a depressing string of convention appearances.
• 10 feet for each sexual comment made by Frazer Hines. Subtract 5 feet if it's obvious that his co-stars considered him to be charming instead of creepy.
• 5 feet if a female says she liked her costume back then because "that was the fashion at the time."
  
• 5 feet any time a female says it was hard to run in Those Boots.
• 5 feet any time a female says it was awfully cold, but they weren't allowed to wear practical cold-weather clothing, you men sure were lucky.
  
• 5 feet if ANYBODY says it was awfully cold, but it was supposed to be summer so they weren't allowed to look cold.
  
• 10 feet if a "moderator" asks a question as though he doesn't know the answer, but you know darn well he does.
• 10 feet each time John Levene confesses a deep, personal insecurity.
• 10 feet if Debra Watling sounds senile, but cheerful.
• 15 feet if somebody is about to tell an interesting story, but somebody else jumps in and says "no, you'll give the ending away!" as though people will watch the commentary before watching the actual episode. 10 more feet if the story remains forever untold.
  
• 5 feet if somebody laughs and says "we're all so absorbed in the show, we're forgetting to talk!" 10 more feet if you suspect they just can't think of anything to say.
  
• 10 feet if somebody starts pointing out mistakes that were made during filming, and somebody else says "nobody wants to hear about that stuff!"
• Your skin is not allowed to crawl when Sophie Aldred is on the commentary.