Sometimes, in "the world" (which we are all in), we need to decide what WE can do. We need to meet our own needs, obviously, and the needs of those who depend on us. But after that, what have we accomplished? Have we made somebody happy? Have we left something, contributed something? Have we left a positive mark, or a negative one?
I feel that, suddenly, I'm confronted with the positive/negative issue. Since I am single and somewhat selfish, this is especially difficult because I can't just say "I have children" and pretend that that -- alone -- makes a positive contribution. I need to wonder about art, society, "The World." What have I done?
All of us, I think, should take stock occasionally. Do the inventory. Do it realistically. John Barth -- who I'm reading an awful lot of -- thinks that our STORIES are important...the things we do, accomplish, and be. I agree to an extent but I wonder about MY story...what does it tell? How does it end? What sort of "character" am I?
You know what? I think I shape up pretty good. I could exit with a more-or-less clear conscience right at this moment, thinking that I wasn't too lazy, too selfish, too stupid. But if I have more time allotted to me, I suppose I want to become a less FRAGILE person, a person who can stand up not just to the easy and stupid stuff, but to the moderately annoying stuff, and to the REALLY BAD STUFF.
I can look at myself and say that I've reached a good first step. I'm setting goals and trying to reach them. I'm trying to live effectively, happily, productively, without getting stuck in a rut.
Eric -- who, if you've been following this blog, you might remember -- would respond with "what?" I'd say in return that people who are in the middle of something don't necessarily understand what they are in the middle of. I don't know. I feel the need to express it. This is what I'm thinking about right now, and if a blog isn't a bin for important thoughts and feelings, what is it for?
I guess what I'm saying -- part of it -- is that I treasure you, good people. I really do. Knowing that you are "there" is something that keeps me going almost as much as my parents or my cat or my basic need to continue. I might not say it enough, but I'm working on that. We are all trying to get along in "the world," and if you can spare just a moment to wonder how you are accomplishing that goal, then I think you're doing just fine. Most people don't stop to think.
And now, something more beautiful and meaningful than I could EVER post: Book of Love's "Pretty Boys and Pretty Girls."