How do you know if you're a stereotypical hockey-playing Canadian? When a beer company brands you as such, that's how. Here's an advertisement I found in the Club Abstract bathroom. It annoys me.
I crave the approval of a beer company's ad campaign, so here is how I measure up to their concept of "Canadian."
* I don't drink beer very often, but if I did I would certainly replenish "the cooler" (because we all drink beer in the woods, eh?).
* I don't talk during another country's national anthem, but I also don't go to places where national anthems are played (not because I don't like anthems but because I don't like those sorts of placed).
* I most certainly DO shave below the neck, wow!
* I have shoveled my neighbour's driveway, but only because she made me feel guilty about it.
* I do not consider it a bad thing to talk about work on a long weekend (during which, of course, I am always in the woods drinking beer out of a cooler, eh?).
* Jesus, no, I have not "made a ball out of hockey tape" (this is the point in the test when I start to get annoyed)
* I don't hang around gym showers, but no, I wouldn't pee in one. I DO know that some people think it's okay to pee in their OWN showers, however, and I don't see anything wrong with that.
* Yes, I always say "sorry" when people bump into me. Of all these stupid stereotypes this is probably the most accurate.
* Why would I have my fingers behind my back? What sort of sneaky jerk do you think I am? I don't know what this one means but it sounds childish and stupid.
* If I were to EVER "cheer for a goal" I'm sure I wouldn't spill anything, because -- you know -- I am not an infant.
* The last time I was "the goalie" was when I was six, and that was because my sister knew it would hurt more.
* I agree...the driver should pick the music.
* Have I ever "thrown a hat on the ice?" Which ice is that? Is this a stupid hockey thing again? I don't wear hats and -- if I did -- I would respect them too much to just throw them around.
* I will happily end an email with a smiley face. :)
* Yes, I do put a loonie on the pool table to claim the next game.
* It would be silly to NOT bring utensils on a camping trip out of some general principle of "Canadian-ness." Do Canadians tend to eat with their hands? I guess only when they're in the woods, making a ball out of hockey tape and replenishing the cooler.
* I'm doubly Canadian because I help strangers out of snowdrifts and then agonize about my motivation for doing so.
* You should ALWAYS get in the lineup with the most competent cashier. At the local Valu-Mart there are two cashiers who are positively GLACIAL, and even if they only have one person in their line I'll always choose a different cashier...and I always get out first.
* I will not respond to any statement which contains the word "dudes." My annoyance has bubbled over, yo.
* No...I don't need lighter fluid to start a fire, in the woods, with the cooler etc.
* If my "buddy" is not allowed into a bar for a reason which I think is silly, I will happily go elsewhere. If my buddy isn't allowed in because he has a behavioural problem, however, I will stand and cheer as the bouncers kick him down the ramp and into the parking lot.