Wednesday, April 16, 2008

In the Kingdom of the Sighted, the Vision-Corrected Myopic is Peer

I understand that's not a very catchy title but I felt the need to stretch an old saying, maybe because conventional wisdom has always told me to "get glasses" and I just never have...until now.

About ten feet in front of my nose, objects begin to fuzz and blur. This is one reason why I ignore you when you walk towards me on a street or in a bar; unless you have a characteristic hairstyle I simply don't know it's you. Other than needing to sit near the front of lecture halls and movie theaters this hasn't really disrupted my life.

But there was no way I was going to drive a car in that state, so part of my "I'm driving again" regimen required buying my first two pairs of glasses.

It was surprisingly easy, though apparently cannot be done all at once. I walked back and forth to Hakim Optical far too many times in order to make a vision test appointment, actually TEST my vision, pick out frames, and return on two separate days to pick up the two pairs I ordered. None of this was actually fun.

But when I put the glasses! I can see every stain on the bricks of the apartment building across the street! My cat's dandruff is suddenly apparent! My carpet needs vacuuming! Maybe I should take the glasses off and return to blissful ignorance!

Vanilla makes fun of me when I say I plan to only wear them while driving, and I see her point: when I put the glasses on it takes about ten minutes for me to stop walking like there's an invisible pit in front of me, and when I take them off I'm virtually blind for another ten minutes or so. Plus I don't really want to spend the money on another pair if I fall over and break them.

So if you see me with glasses on (probably falling down a flight of stairs because I'm not used to the way they refract my vision yet), tell me that they look good. I don't want to be like Marilyn Monroe in "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes," implying by extension that I also don't want to die of a drug overdose, no way.


VanillaJ said...

Where's the picture of you wearing glasses?
Would you consider getting contact for drag nights?
We want a picture! We want a PICTURE!

Muffy St. Bernard said...

On Saturday I'll take pictures with the glasses on. If the pictures look good, I'll post them! If they don't look good...

...then I will only combine "drag" with "my glasses" while I'm hidden in a closet.

jj said...

what's your power? And why didn't you try for contacts? There used to be a significant price difference between the two back when I first got my glasses 16-17 years ago but last month when I bought a new back up pair (plastic lenses coated with anti-glare for staring at computer screens and with scracth resistance coating) I realized with a jolt and now it is probably CHEAPER to go for contacts. :)

Muffy St. Bernard said...

I'm tempted to say that "my power" is "the power to not see things at a certain distance from my nose," but I suppose you're asking about what type of glasses I need (sorry, I'm not up on the vernacular).

My perscription has three columns (SPH, CYL, AXIS) and two rows (OD, OS). For OD the entries are -125, -050, 156. For OS they're -125, -100, 043.

Maybe you know what that means...I don't! But I'm curious.

As for contact lenses, I didn't get them because I only plan to wear the glasses for, on average an hour a week. So putting in contacts just for that time would be pointless.

Plus, I don't need to learn to stick glasses inside my eyes!

VanillaJ said...

Denial is not a river in Egypt.

If you're going to be, like, "only when I'm driving", then you are only giving your vision a half-life. Your poor eyes. Why would you do that to them when they have been your faithful servants so long?

Come, come swim in the waters of good sight. Don't just stick your toe in.

jj said...

grin. Sometimes I wish I had the power to be invisible which is so sad when you consider the fact that one might wish to be Superman. :)

. For OD the entries are -125, -050, 156. For OS they're -125, -100, 043.

Hmm, OD is the right eye, OS the left one, the SPH stands for spherical, and since it is negative that means you are mildly near-sighted. . The CYL stands for cylinder and AXIS for AXIS and the presence of non-zero values there indicates that you have

Me? My SPH is at -2 and -1.75

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Vanilla, are you getting a kick-back from your brother-in-law's employer?

Muffy St. Bernard said...

So I guess that means my eyes aren't as bad as yours?

jj said...

Except for the fact that you are Astigmatic. :-) I am with vanillaj here, stop being panaroid about wearing glasses!

Recently I went (on behalf of my father) to a meeting of 60 year olds. I am glad to say atleast 60% of them were wearing glasses. Embrace your human legacy!

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Huh, wait...but I don't NEED to wear glasses everyday. I could see wearing them on a walk or while admiring nature, but at work (and much of my spare time) I'm either staring at a computer or I'm reading.

It's not that I have a perverse desire NOT to wear glasses -- they look good, I like them -- it's just that I don't see a need to wear them all the time. Easier to keep them in a case so they won't get smudged or scratched than to decide to wear them when they aren't necessary (and put up with the constant adjustment/readjustment when I take them off to read or do computer work).

Anonymous said...

why r u not wearing them 4 reading and comp work? shame

Muffy St. Bernard said...

I'm not using them for reading or computer work because they're not reading glasses.

A book or computer screen at a comfortable distance is just as clear with or without my glasses.

jj said...

You are just in denial. :)