The Jewel Thief Returns!

This past weekend I did a photo shoot for an upcoming issue of Bombay Dost. They wanted shots of me wearing my "Jewel Thief" outfit, preferably in front of a white background, in the highest quality possible.

I welcomed this opportunity because I don't really HAVE any good pictures of that outfit; you can't just roll out of bed and slip it on, you've got to WORK it. For that reason I enlisted the help of Melissa Baumunk of Brown Salon to give me a grand hairstyle -- at 9:00 in the morning! -- and the wonderful Jenn Wilson (here's her site for all your photographic needs) rolled out the white backdrop in her garage and took to the pictures for a really spectacular set.



This was an odd shoot because the roll of paper is quite narrow, so all gestures needed to be slightly contracted and the tailfeathers always kept under control. I was afraid that would make for boring pictures, but actually it gave us a good framework to work within. And thanks to some post-production adjustments (not to mention Jenn's skillful removal of the run in my fishnets) it looks like I'm floating in Bollywood happy-space. Joy!

The happiest thing about all of this is that the outfit -- built by Lydia Bellenie of Delirium Clothing back in 2002 -- fits me perfectly. For a while it was too big and I put it in the back of the closet, but either it has shrunk or I have inflated. Now it's perfect! This is nice not just because I can finally wear it again, but also because it's a simply amazing piece of work, right down to the springy "pocket feathers" in the back and the faux zebra sequins of the bodice.

Where did Lydia find a sequinned zebra to skin? Only she knows...

Pridetoberfest 2007, Plus Hiking, Plus a Bonus Cat!

I had four days off work during the long weekend, but somehow it only felt like six hours.

First: the lead-up to "Pridetoberfest," during which I prepped and worried and messed with my hair. Jodi (super-stylist) had revealed the secrets of hat-defeating hairdos, and I spent all week trying to replicate her instructions. I bought hairclips and practiced segmentation, I rigged up an extra bathroom mirror so I could see the back of my head, I experimented with gel and pomade and the fake-hair braids she'd made me...

Well, I certainly learned a lot about hair, but only enough to develop a style that I call "Ugly Squirrel's Nest Mess (with Braids)." And even after four days of fiddling I couldn't remove those evil stylist-elastics without losing hair. After all that worrying and experimenting I settled on two pigtails, wrapped them in dirndl scraps, and considered myself to be suitably German (but still "hat-able").

The actual "Ilsa on Ice" outfit worked BEAUTIFULLY. You can really jump around in an organza skirt if you're willing to grab it and flip it over your head. I probably only broke two toes in my new silver shoes, and the run in my fishnets appeared only thirty seconds into the night, a new record for me.

Click here for a few more pictures from the event, including shots of the fabulous B-Girlz (who were spunky, professional, and hilarious, as expected).

Early the next morning -- nursing a hangover and a set of hamburger-toes -- I went on a 5km hike to Spencer Gorge with Jon & Vanilla. The place was drenched with an impossible fog which made the experience even more magical...click here for the trip in pictures. Consider it a "Bus/Walk Tour" without the "bus."

(You can also find a new collector's photo of Zsa Zsa called "Zsa Zsa A-curl.")

I wimped out of Monday's Oktoberfest Parade, but I did enjoy a super-heated patio lunch with my mother. Breakfast and booze and easy chatter, always nice!

Now, suddenly, I'm back to work again. Did I do a Rip Van Winkle on this weekend or something? Where the heck did it GO? I want to do it all again!

Shakin' the Blues Away!

Last year, Lydia of Delirium Clothing made me a FABULOUS replica of Ann Miller's "Shakin' the Blues Away" outfit (from "Easter Parade"). I've never been able to get a picture of it that does it justice, but last night...

Click to see the dress that we affectionately call "The Bumblebee." And I'm the lucky person in it!

Photojourney 2.0!

Updating the old Photojourney was an incredible pain in the butt. Photos had to be cropped, resized, exported, uploaded...then the numbnails needed to be copied and cropped and overexposed and...geez, it's no wonder I got tired of it!

So I got myself a Flickr account. In fact, I've spent all weekend figuring it out and uploading the 90-some pictures from the last few months, including some odd stuff that I wouldn't have put on the old site. Go on over and have a look, and feel free to comment or whatever else you can do.

Based on my limited experience, Flickr is super-cool.

Ein Prosit, Part Two!

Once again I've been tapped to DJ Kitchener/Waterloo's Pridetoberfest event, which will be happening this year on October 6th. Woo-hoo!

We have yet to nail down the format and the finer details...but there is a more important consideration here: what the heck am I going to WEAR?

The Stag Shop dirndle is so perfect that I'm loathe to leave it at home, but I can't wear the same thing two years in a row, especially not when I'm standing up on the stage half of the night (looking pensively at CDs, as this screen snap from the website illustrates).

Delirium Clothing to the rescue. We've already started talks, trying to figure out how to combine "showgirl" with "fraulein" into a single fabulous (and daring) outfit. And if I wear a headdress, nobody will be able to crown me with an unflattering hat! An Oktoberfest Superhero theme is a win-win for everybody.

For the second time in as many years I'm finally LOOKING FORWARD to Kitchener's big tourist trap!

"Chewing Gum" - Addictive, Maddening

Ever since I first heard it at Delirium last month, I haven't been able to get Annie's "Chewing Gum" out of my head. I go to sleep humming it and I wake up humming it.

I figured the only cure was to find the CD ("Anniemal"), which turned out to be surprisingly difficult. But now that I've got it I can begin exorcising this demon, and I'll start by embedding the video:



By the way, those Delirium gals deserve credit for being way ahead of the culture curve. Annie might be old hat by now, but they were playing April March's "Chick Habit" years ago.

Climax

Google! Horsepucky! Good Night! Krasny! And all the other fake cuss-words that I can't think of right at the moment.

After last week's totally depressing tour-de-trash at Club Abstract, I decided to wear the most obnoxious outfit I could think of, in order to drive the Bad Flotsam crazy tonight; an outfit that would both turn them on and repell them in equal measure. I spent a week searching for the proper accessories. I ate very little food in order to fit into it. I practiced getting in and out of it as fast as possible, in order to forsee potential problems during the night.

I wore The Guitar Wolf, the most "crotchy" outfit I own.

And what happened?

Nobody came. The jerks didn't show up. It was totally dead. And there I was, in my weird crotchy outfit, acting like a prima donna for nobody in particular.

Regardless I don't regret a second.

A Cat Nap Dream: Two Tall Police Officers

On the afternoon of Christmas Eve, I'm walking past the Bauer Loft construction site. A truck stops and an apparently crazy man wearing wrap-around sunglasses approaches me.

MAN: Hey! Hey, do you know if it's okay if I take bread crumbs from birds? I'm only asking because I'm starving and I need some, I want to make dressing...

ME: Where do you want to get them from?

MAN: From Bird Island. I started taking bread crumbs and people started staring at me, calling the police on their cel phones.

ME: That's a protected area, for birds only...you can't go there. I think it's okay if you take bread crumbs from birds, but there's a more serious problem of you simply GOING to Bird Island...

In typical dream style the man has suddenly become two police officers who are very, very tall...I'm craning my head back just to talk to them.

ME: You two are incredibly tall!

OFFICER 2: You've got to be tall to join the force!

ME: Is it your boots?

As we compare boots, a woman on a bicycle rides slowly past through the snow...I don't see her face, but she has pigtails.

OFFICER 1: Who's that girl over there?

ME: Oh, that's Molly Conchlin! She works at the...ummm...I know her...Hi!

The confusion here is that she's actually a woman named Erina, but I can't remember her name. When she turns to look at me I see that she isn't really Erina after all...she looks at me like I'm a pervert.

ME: No, guys, that's not Molly. Sorry. I'm almost blind, you see, I can't see faces...everything beyond about eight feet away is a blur.

OFFICER 2: {Showing a spiked wrist collar to OFFICER 1} So yeah, I want to get another one like it...

ME: Oh, go to Delirium Clothing! And have you been to Club Abstract?

OFFICER 1: We go there on Thursdays because that's Jenny's day off.

OFFICER 2: Mike has a crush on Jenny, but now she's going out with Joe, and the only day she doesn't hang around with Joe is Thursday...

High blood sugar wakes me up. I realize that I thought about Molly Conchlin because I was listening to "Our Miss Brooks" earlier in the day, and the rest of it is a combination of anxiety about my neighbours and anxiety about social awkwardness and Doing the Wrong Thing.