Sunday, October 19, 2008

How to Find a Muffy

I love my web stats. They tell me exactly how people find out about me, and compile for me all those words that I should use more often in order to increase my web traffic: "boobs," "muff," "stockings," "thick ankles," and -- I kid you not -- "jumper pants."

But other than telling me how to attract attention with word-porn, my stats tell me what my most popular posts have been. My scary movie list is forever popular (and increasingly so as Hallowe'en approaches) and the list of breast-euphemisms in my Benny Hill evaluation makes it a perennial favourite. People frequently visit my Sgt. Pepper's movie review as well, for reasons that I'll never understand.

Enough about my do people find my now (mostly) static website? Usually through Indian blogs which reference my reviews (or ebay auctioneers and forum posters who steal my screenshots). By looking at my site stats I see that most people find the website AFTER they've discovered the blog, and not the reverse.

Here's a selection of the some of the most popular Google searches that bring people to my site (edited for interest and respectability): "muff," "crotch," "Wumpus," "skin disease," "Return of the Living Dead Workprint," "little pre teenagers," "girl crotch," "crotch girl," "leopard disease," and "weird skin disease."

If I can find a way to work a "crotch disease" into my web repertoire, my traffic will go through the roof!

Then there's my Flickr site, which inspired this post to begin with. For two years my traffic has remained at a steady average of 150 hits per day. But look at my hits during the past month:

My Flickr views have jumped tremendously during the last two days! The somewhat gradual rise indicates that word-of-mouth or web-propagation is involved, but the more detailed Flickr statistics provide no clues; just that 10% of my two-year traffic has occurred during this week alone, and that these viewers arrive directly at my Flickr profile instead of at a specific picture.

I assume that a Flickr user has featured me in some capacity, and that he or she (or more likely "he-she" given the people who tend to feature me) has a lot of visitors who have followed the lead. These people are FLOCKING to the "Daily Muffy" adventures, which is really cool because I wish more people would see them.

All that considered, what are the most popular Flickr pictures? Anything that involves "boots" apparently (like these two), or plastic handcuffs, and for some reason this picture has always gotten lots of views.

So what can we take from all of this? Mainly that internet traffic is a fickle and unpredictable thing, and that people who do web searches are usually looking for kink. Hmmm.


Kimber said...

I find it hard to believe that the bulk of your hits are not coming from "fabulous" or "really cool hair extensions."

How does one track the number of hits, anyway? Can you do that for a blog too?

Adam Thornton said...

Flickr and my site's hosting service both provide free statistics.

I use "blogpatrol" to get blog stats...and you could do it too! It's easy.

Go to and sign up for a free account. Then you just need to follow their instructions...something about copying a snippet of code that they generate and pasting it into an HTML-sidebar-thing in blogger.

You too will discover the REAL reason that you get hits! :)

tanzi said...

Quite the research project, my friend!
Well done--and this, no doubt, will encourage more blog stalkers to stumble across more of your posts and sites.
I, for one, will checking out your Benny Hill post, as I have creepy memories of that show from when I was just a kid. Kim and I used to sing the theme song along to it. Ah, dirty little men and children...

Adam Thornton said...

I hear that the late '70s and early '80s incarnations of the show were far creepier -- as Hill got older and the clothes got skimpier -- but I'll vouch for the Thames Television was actually fun!

Anonymous said...

Every time I search for jumper pants it leads me right to your blog.

Adam Thornton said...

I knew it was you!