Monday, June 30, 2008

Day of The Mail

Over time my anxiety rises. When I leave my apartment I turn my eyes to the sky so I won't have to look at the mailbox, pretending it isn't there and that it doesn't contain anything. But eventually I need to face the awful truth: there are LETTERS in my mailbox, and they must be opened.

Today this task was long overdue and I was dismayed to find SIX letters addressed to me. I sat down in front of the computer, logged into online banking, and started reading the bad news.

A letter from Bell telling me that I'd really, really enjoy watching "ExpressVu digital TV." No I wouldn't.

A bill for this month's car insurance payment. Don't these folks know my car is ill? Have they no decency? This is like sending a tax form to the relative of a dying grandmother.

Speaking of tax forms, a notice from the Canada Revenue Agency that I miscalculated my taxes this year...and I get $149.85 back. Whew!

A bill from Royal Bank thanking me for paying a huge chunk of my credit debt, but kindly reminding me that there's much more left to pay.

Another letter from Royal Bank containing a new debt card, this one with fancy chip technology. I am convinced that this chip stores confidential information about my right buttock.

A bill from CIBC, notifying me that this month's balance due is...$0.51, thanks to an odd interest fee that I have no memory of accumulating.

After all that worry I'd say I got off pretty lightly. I cannot always be so fortunate.


jj said...

Hmm, the solution is obvious.

As a kid, I used to dread Monday, but as if in compensation, Monday night was when the coolest tv serials were aired. So you need to mix in some sugar to swallow the bitter medicine of unpaid bills. Be a man of letters. Get some pen pals. :)

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Better than pen-pals...I could become a mail-order queen! "Is my exercise bicycle and matching tea-tray here yet?"

jj said...


Kimber said...

Betzy is sick? Say it ain't so!

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Beckzy may have only needed some TLC...I should know in a few days whether she's okay. Then I'll update the grapevine so all of her loving fans can rest easy!