The Case of the Oily Foundation
Even if you have a singularly oily T-Zone, purchase a non-greasy prep lotion such as the one marketed by Quo. It will give you that "fresh-faced lass" smoothness and also prevent your foundation from sliding off.
It was worth being mocked by a cosmetician to solve this case.
Yesterday's Gluteal Soreness
You're wondering why you woke up with a mysterious muscle-soreness running all down your right side? It's because you spent the day previous chasing a duckling under the cars in the parking lot. Seriously, Muffy, have you not yet learned that nature is cruel? You must rest your old bones.
The Mystery of the Early-Morning Cat
Have you not noticed that the cat ONLY does her early-morning yowling when the balcony door is open? Had it not occurred to you that this door lets in an uncommon amount of light, making the bedroom brighter than usual? Have you yourself not been fooled by this illumination?
It's not a wonder that your cat is being fooled, as she is dim-witted.
The Strange Case of the Rotting Vegetable Odour
It's garbage day, and all your windows are open! While YOU eat food which is so packed with preservatives that its half-life is measured in centuries, others eat fresh provender which decays more quickly.
So not to worry, my dear Muffy...that smell is coming from outside!