Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Blasted Barmy Poozy

Somebody pooped on my workplace. Literally, he or she pooped on the SIDE of the building, two feet from the door that few people other than myself ever use.

Since Monday I have seen this poop twice each lunch hour, and it has done nothing for my appetite. I'm increasingly fascinated by its longevity: nobody seems to have noticed, and it is impervious to the weather, looking exactly the same now as it did three days ago.

This is a strange secret that I'm keeping, especially because the poop is right underneath my manager's window. I see her several times a day and I keep wanting to tell her about it, but I know she wouldn't appreciate the news. She'd either have to clean it up herself or just sit there by her window, thinking about it, the way I do.

Vanilla has never seen the poop but I keep her appraised. I pretend that it's Allison Goldfrapp's poop. I pretend that she'd call it her "blasted barmy poozy." This makes the situation more bearable.

Every night I wonder if it will go away, and every day I return to find it still there. There's nothing I can comfortably do about it. I can only see which one of us gives up first.

14 comments:

Adrian said...

If it sits there long enough, you will witness it turning into less conspicuous dirt.

That will make you look at dirt differently.

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Thanks to your post, Adrian, I ALREADY look at dirt differently.

Can you ruin SNOW as well?

Kimber said...

How do you know it's human poo? I'm a bit scared to ask you that...

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Since you've become a pottymouth, I guess I can be gross with you:

I know it's from a human because it's sprayed on the wall, which is something that I can't see an animal doing.

It's always strange when animals are LESS GROSS than people.

Anonymous said...

sprayed????

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Oh yeah. Somebody wasn't feeling very good.

Kimber said...

I beg to differ. My dog, back in the days when she was still being crated, once exploded in what can only be described as a "shitstorm." Animals can definitely spray in a formidable way!

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Oh Kim, now you've totally ruined my "poop on a building" anecdote.

It's no fun if it ends with "of course, it COULD have been a dog."

Adrian said...

Speaking of "shitstorms":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSx6hPns2b8

Kimber said...

Oh dear. Well, it's still been fun talking about poopies.

scott said...

Heh.

Poop.

Poozy said...

Poop is mostly shades of brown or yellow, but other colors can arise under certain circumstances. For example, someone with a bleeding ulcer might have tarry black poop from the presence of partially digested blood. Bleeding in the intestine, from an anal fissure or split, for example, can stain the poop red. Some illnesses in babies gives them green or even blue-green poop. But another source of blue poop in children is more innocent: it can come from eating a concentrated source of blue food coloring such as ice cream. Intense red food coloring can produce bright red poop. Sometimes brightly colored foods pass through the gut almost unchanged, and the turd may be speckled with bright red fragments such as pimentos, or bright yellow kernels of corn.
One can experience white poop after consuming a barium milkshake for the purposes of getting an x-ray of the upper gastrointestinal tract.

scott said...

Wow. Just...wow.

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Thank goodness...NOW WE KNOW.