Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Miss Burke's Expressive Hands

Melon fetishists like their ellipses, but HAND fetishists go for double-barrel adjectives:
How do these gay, clever women keep their busy capable hands exquisite and pretty when they use them for so much interesting active work?
Those gay, clever, busy, capable, exquisite, pretty, interesting, and active women rely on Cutex Liquid Polish, of course...and this includes Billie Burke!
"I love the stage," says Billie Burke, "but I also love simple country things--gardens, woods, tramps--dogs. What terrible things it does to my hands!"
I sure know that simple country tramps can get you awfully dirty, but let's assume that Burke is using the word "tramp" in the pre-'60s American sense of the word, that is, "to hike." Although "tramp" could also mean "hobo" at that time, for some reason it was an acceptable word for "hiking" as well. I have an old Ann Miller advertisement where she brags about her ability to go "cross-country tramping."

In any case, if you can get your busy, capable hands on a box of this stuff, your friends might admire you in the way that they admired Burke:
"My friends say, 'What lovely half-moons you have!'"


Kimber said...

Funny the significance placed on a woman's hands back then. I remember reading an L.M.Montgomery story where the aging heroine fondly remembers her forbidden lover, turned away by the heroine's father for being a poor artist. The lover went on to become famous and used to paint the heronie's hands in all the portraits of famous women he painted.

I always look at a man's hands when I meet him...I wonder if I should have been born in the 1800's?

johnnyatomic said...


Muffy St. Bernard said...

Hmmm, I think there's still a surprising significance given to hands...all those places devoted to quick manicures. And don't forget "you're soaking in it!"

I certainly look at hands, because some people literally have half-human paws instead.

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Now I'm waiting for somebody to tell a story about an unexplained terrible smell in their office, which they discovered was the forgotten hand they'd stashed away somewhere.

Morgan said...

my friends often comment me on my half moons...although I hope they mean the ones on my fingers!

Muffy St. Bernard said...

I hope you've been waxing those moons, Morgan.

Kimber said...

Now now, let's not harp on about my rotten banana story. I would obviously pickle the hand and keep it in a jar, a la silence of the lambs, rather than let it rot under my desk.

Muffy St. Bernard said...

Says the girl who "neglected the banana."

Anonymous said...