Xena to the Sickbed

Bad flu, sore body, snotty head. Dusty apartment. Cold weather.

"Aei-yi-yi-yi-yi!" It's Xena, come to rescue me! Or rather to bumble through the rest of the first season, which Jason & Craig loaned to me so long ago. Xena to keep my eyes and my head busy while the rest of my body moans. Something to think about that doesn't require any effort. A rousing theme-song you can sing along with. Tom Atkins playing the same character he always plays, but on horseback. Bruce Campbell's funny eyes.

I like Xena when she's funny. I like Gabrielle too. I wonder if any women have ever felt empowered by this show. I wonder how blatant the lesbian overtones were meant to be. "Is There a Doctor in the House?" was a crazy hodge-podge of medical drama, social commentary, and breech-birthed centaur, plus an old guy yelling "MY TEMPLE!" How can you make a gripping program about emergency medical procedures when all you have are some hollow reeds, a sword, a hypnotizing candle, and "Gabrielle, make compresses out of those cobwebs"?

Callisto was a good villain. More Charon as vaudeville comedian, please. Two episodes in a row, Xena disguised herself as a bride in order to capture a bad guy. In about six episodes in a row she said "I have stopped the blood to your brain. You will die in sixty seconds." Whenever the show gets boring you can play "guess the accent that the actor is hiding." Whenever it starts to hurt, take a Tylenol.

Ooooo, back to sleep, I think.